The Pain 5

I dressed carefully for the meeting with my estranged husband. If I’m going down let me do so with some dignity. What I did was bad, but fear was the key. What is the  essence of marriage anyways, is it not forgiveness and forgiving?

The door bell rang at some minutes past two pm. I opened the door and came face to face with my soon to be, ex husband.

He had lost weight, he looked a bit haggard. My heart went out to him. His look suggested he still cared, somehow.

We sat down in silence. The silence stretched for minutes. I kept stealing glances at him, but he looked slightly bored. He cleared his throat.

‘ I’m here now, Keji. What do you have to say?’

I looked at him with a wealth of remorse and love in my eyes

‘ I am sorry for lying to you. I was scared to lose you. Many guys had come and gone because of my condition. Please forgive me. I am so very sorry. I don’t want to lose you.’ I didn’t know when tears started dripping from my eyes. I pleaded with him from the depth of my heart. At a stage my voice sounded hoarse.

All through this session, my husband sat immobile. His eyes fixed on me but he appeared to be distracted. His mind somewhere else.

‘ Keji it’s okay. I understand you and I think I understand why you did what you did' he sat up and leaning forward, he continued' But you see, for me, trust is broken. As much as I still love you, i can no longer trust you. That is why I want us to go our separate ways. A breach of trust, in my book is, unforgivable' he concluded on a note of finality.

I looked at his set face and knew further appeals would be fruitless. It was obvious his mind was made up. The whole of my frame was trembling as I  went in to wash my face. I came out of my room with the divorce papers. Silently I signed. I handed the papers to him, and he was gone.

I fixed myself a stiff scotch. My nerves badly needed steadying. I looked at the walk clock almost silently ticking away. I felt my life literally crumbling before me. I knew I would commit suicide if I spent the night alone. I went in and throwing some clothes into a hold all, I left the house to mother’s.

Mother was sympathetic. Tactfully, she refrained from telling me ‘ I told you so'. I would have deserved it and more. I had really messed up.

I had to pull myself together. My boss suggested a vacation. I travelled to the Swiss Alps for rest and emotional recuperation. I came back two weeks later.

A year and a half later, my pastor invited me over to his house to meet his cousin, a hematologist based in Texas. I thought nothing of the introduction, then, until a month later when I received a phone call with a foreign number. Lo and behold, it was the Hematologist!. He told me he wanted us to be good friends and he wanted to help me with any health complaints I had going forward. Just like that!

A month later, he proposed. I didn’t take him seriously initially because I was five years older. But he was very persistent. I started reconsidering my stance of wanting somebody much older. My mother was like ‘ What the heck is the cause of your hesitation?! He knows your genotype and he’s crazy about you, regardless!’

So I allowed myself to be persuaded. He came down for the wedding. We had the traditional marriage plus registry same day. A few months later I travelled to join my husband in Texas.

I have no regrets, really. Everything happens for a reason. I had gone full circle and I am here(with a loving husband plus a baby on the way), right where I belong.

The End.