Unknown 9

Just how will this triangular relationship end? Will I remain afloat or sink? I had no close friends I could confide in around me. I thought about my bridesmaid. Yes, we were close but she was in the East. Dare I discuss this via the phone? I felt it was too weighty. Could I trust her absolutely not to betray my confidence?

For days I ruminated over this. Jude had asked for another date, but I felt it was too soon. I had to think of a better or should I  say another excuse to give hubby. A water tight one, this time.

It was tasking living a lie. I was excited yes, but I was also afraid. Indecision was too heavy a burden to carry.

Just then I discovered I was pregnant. I had mixed feelings. On the threshold of leaving my marriage, with a baby inside me?

Hubby was overjoyed, an answer to his, our prayers. God works in mysterious ways indeed.

When I was two months gone, I decided to give in to Jude's request for us to have another meeting. This time at a resort.

He was already waiting most anxiously for me. I had come with the driver who I instructed very firmly to wait for me in the car. Pregnancy always agrees with me and so I was fresh faced and rosy cheeked. There was a volumptousness, a fullness to my figure. I looked great and I knew it.  

Jude looked me over hungrily as he planted passionate kisses on my lips and my neck, I giggled like a teenager without any care in the world as he drew me into his arms in the secluded booth.

‘I was going crazy with longing Soom. I haven't been able to think or concentrate on anything anymore. I keep thinking about you, about holding you'

I smiled at him, nestling in his arms like a kitten. 

‘I know this isn’t ideal and I want us to take a decision, Soom. You must leave my cousin! I can’t bare to share you no more!’

I felt disquiet. How much was I ready to sacrifice for Jude? Was I ready to lose all to start afresh with him? I just might lose Sean and I knew I could never bare it.

I think he sensed my discomfort as he  took me further into his arms cradling me ever so tenderly, whispering his love and plans…..for our future.

He talked about us relocating to the US and I noticed he was silent about Sean.

‘What about Sean? I… we would have to take him with us'

Jude was silent and I wiggled out of his arms to take a closer look at him

‘You’ve suddenly gone mute?’

Jude stood up and started pacing

‘I think you should leave him with his father'.

‘Oh really?! That boy is my life. My comfort, solace, the sweetness in my life. I cannot leave him. I can not endure it!’

Jude tried to take me into his arm but I moved away and made as if to take my bag but he blocked my path and kissed me with so much intensity that i felt my resistance melting like snow melts with heat.

I got home for close to midnight. I was better prepared as I had told hubby I was meeting with a fictitious friend to discuss a prospective business. 

I let myself in, checked in on Sean who was fast asleep in his room and proceeded down the hall to the room I shared with hubby.

He was seated on the bed in his pyjamas. 

‘ Charles, still up?’ I asked smoothly 

‘Yes. …I…i…couldn’t sleep' he replied haltingly

‘How was….your meeting?' he asked in a strange tone

I looked at him curiously.

‘ Soom, please don’t leave me' he said abruptly, kneeling on the floor, beside my feet. I was shocked!

‘I know about Jude. Please don’t ask me how, but I know' he continued, tears flowing down his cheeks 

‘ I realise our marriage isn’t the best of unions, given the way we started. But I love you, I cannot afford for you to leave, I would go crazy'

My goodness! I was tongue tied. So many thoughts were racing through my mind. Did he have me followed? Could childhood friends in the village who knew about our secondary school romance have let the cat out of the bag?

He held my legs and cried and cried. His cries must have awakened  Sean who came into the room, shortly. Sean looked from his father to me, perplexed

His father kept moaning ‘Please don’t leave me'

Sean too joined in the fray ‘Mummy please don’t leave us. Mummy please stay'

I was weak. Eventually I held my husband and we both sat on the bed, Sean in between us

I thought about my husband's generosity not just to me but to my family. I thought about so many instances where he had proven his faithfulness and commitment. I also thought about Jude. The grass always looks greener on the other side. It never really was. I was no fool. The initial attraction Jude and I felt could so easily wear off. Stolen waters taste sweet, solely because they are stolen. In addition, he wasn’t willing to have Sean come with us. Me? I wasn’t ready to leave Sean

What was love anyways, what was this love?! Was it only an emotion? I think not. It is many years of building, of giving selflessly, of nurturing

Soom, I told myself, there are different kinds of love. My husband had been good to me, he had been a good and patient father. Perharps, with time, I could learn to love him with some of the passion I currently felt for my first love. And, if not, so be it. One can not have everything.

Love is never really cut and dried

Abruptly, i made my decision. Turning to my still weeping husband 

‘I will stay. I won’t leave you' and for the first time, I took him in my arms as Sean tugged at me, wanting to join in the hug, and I obliged

After all, why would I leave the 'Known' to explore the 'Unknown?'

The End