Life With Tutu

I am not a shameless woman, regardless of what you may think. I’m just an ordinary woman trying to do whatever it takes to keep her marriage hence my two weekly sojourn to the hotel to meet with Remi, my husband’s younger brother and my first love. In life you have to do with what the cards have dealt you. The cards have not dealt fairly with me. How was I to know Remi was my husband's younger brother? I never set my eyes on Femi who was a busy pilot jetting all over the world throughout my relationship with Remi. Remi had mentioned him in passing, yes, but I never saw pictures. It was after Remi broke up callously with me that I met Femi on vacation in the Seychelles. I was pretty broken up, devastated by Remi's insensitivity to me. Femi was an apparition from Heaven, an Angel with healing in his wings. Psychologically I was a shell of myself. I had begged, pleaded with Remi for our relationship to remain but he had callously told me he was done with me and that he had some...

Our anniversary dinner was the bomb. We gazed into each others eyes with love and adoration. When I said yes, ten years before to Femi, I knew it was the best decision any woman could have made. I love my husband and I will always, always love him. Nothing can change that, nothing will. Femi literally came into my life to wipe away my tears. I had suffered heartbreak, heartbreak of such magnitude that could have sent me to the afterlife. Yeah, that bad. My first love, the man that had been the first to take me to cloud nine, had let me down. Treated me shabbily. Sometimes if you love too much, you can lose too hard. We left the restaurant well after midnight. I was full to bursting, my tummy was bulging slightly, I felt lazily happy. Femi drove. I have always loved being driven at the dead of night. Zero traffic,  ambience  exceedingly cool, and the quietness, soothing. We got home and my husband started undressing me from the sitting room, we giggled like kids as we mad...

I put on my clothes almost with the speed of light. I am late, I didn’t plan to be late, not today of all days, my wedding anniversary. 10th wedding anniversary, not a mean feat, not a mean feat at all. It is night time. My companion sleeps on, snoring softly. I look at him, without expression. I key in the last button on my blouse and glance at myself in the mirror. Not looking bad, at least my clothes were not torn off, like the last time. I grimace at the thought of the last time. Apparently I have sworn a pact with the Devil. I have sold my soul to him and I must dance to his tune. I have no choice. As I leave the hotel room, I put the sordidness of the ‘ relationship', I have with my companion behind me, for I am no longer the wanton actress that gave a superlative performance in the hotel room. I am now the very responsible, upstanding Mrs. Santos. I call for my uber driver, I never bring my car to these liaisons, not smart you know and anyone just might recognise it. He ...

They say love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. O boy!did my eyes open?! First off , after the wedding, he brought me to a dingy face me, I face you apartment. He had told me he lived in a three bed flat. So I was shocked. He started stammering and eventually the whole truth came tumbling out My American hubby had been deported! He came back without a dime. All the gifts he had been showering on me were from monies, a few friends who pitied him had gathered for him to start a small scale business with Odiegwu! The love I thought I had for him, evaporated, in that same instant. He had not a penny to his name. He had no job, and no prospects. All the academic qualifications were all lies, he was just a school cert holder who has been deported for dealing drugs! His parents and a few friends I had met were all in on the deceit. All painted a rosy picture, all lied for him. I wanted to flee, but where to? It is said that if you cannot move forward, it is better to move ba...

I wake up from my brief slumber, waves of regret threaten to submerge me, I consider my not considerable options. I cannot go back to my parents. They are retired and are just managing themselves. So, in this marriage I must stay. I had no intention to be in a marriage fraught with lies. But at 43 with no eligible suitor around, I had had to consider the American. I met him when I had just lost my job. Life was frustrating. No job, no hubby, no money, nothing, at least so I thought. I was impressed by his excellent command of English, his carriage, his smooth words and his kindness, talk about the dumbest of  reasons to get hooked up!  He told me he had just come in from the states, specifically to get a good Nigerian girl to marry. He was from my state, tall and charcoal black. I asked as to his source of livelihood and he told me he was a business man. Reeling off his academic degrees and achievements, I told myself, this is Mr.  Right! He said he travelled abroad a...

‘ I’m gonna sue their gaddamn asses. What da fuck?!’ I was jolted awake by the foregoing. My American hubby on phone, talking with the American drawl that had enticed me, initially. I sit up gingerly. I am six months preggers but I feel so bloated. Someone upon seeing me during the week had promptly started calling me ‘ Mama ibeji' because of the size of my tummy. I had given the person a nasty look, as reward! I am hungry, but as usual there is no money. I contemplate going to see my parents. I discard the idea after mulling over it. No point. It’s not as if they have enough. I take a look at myself in the Mirror just adjacent the bed. I look haggard, worn out, stressed. Financial stress does that to one. My tummy growls with hunger. I look at hubby, he’s through with his call and comes to sit beside me on the bed. ‘ Hey babes' I look at him with thinly disguised hostility but he is undeterred as always ‘ Don’t worry, I’ll get you something to eat, Lorene’ I’d heard th...

Mickey was insistent I invite Mother. I was equally insistent on not having her in my house. I felt his mother was worthy of the position of Grandmother and not my Mother. Father had to intervene, and I had no choice but to back down. My twins were named Peter Aniedi Oluwajomiloju and Paul Anietie Oluwarantimisirere. Mother was invited, she was so happy and proud, I did my best to ignore her. She came with a box of clothes and stayed put after the naming. A week passed and I had to confront Mickey who told me he had told her to stay,to take care of the twins! I was hopping mad. I decided to give her attitude, anything to get her out of my house. She ignored me and blithely continued with her baby caring chores! What to do oooo? I thought day and night of how to get her out of my house. One afternoon, two months down the line, Wole came to pay me a visit. He was into IT and was doing quite well. After getting him something to eat, we started discussing how to finance Oyin' s sch...

Mother told us she had been dating the business mogul whilst still married to Father. She said when Father’s financial travail started the man, Chief Okechukwu aka Blade, started pressurizing her to leave father and marry him as his third wife. She didn’t need much persuasion as according to her he was quite loaded. She said she looked for an opportunity to have a terrible row with Father and then subsequently move out based on the ‘row' She was with Chief for ten years during which she tried unsuccessfully to give him a child, which eventually led to him breaking up with her. She dated another man in the hope of settling down but he refused to marry her. She lived with him for some five years. Eventually she was able to rent this apartment and she retired from her civil service job. According to her, she thought of us often and we were always in her prayers! I was just bristling with anger ‘ What prayers, nitoriOlorun?( in Gods name) What godforsaken prayers! What then was y...

I sent Mickey a chat telling him I had finally found my mother. He called me back almost immediately, after being incommunicado for close to a month. We arranged a meet with Mother. It was on  a Saturday we set out for Mother’s. Enroute, he stopped over at a Supermarket and literally went on a spending spree. Provisions , drinks, canned food, the works. I eyed him irritably for I knew he was shopping for Mother ‘ Is it that he does not understand the magnitude of this woman’s wickedness? Even after telling him all we went through, all I went through. How I was nearly raped in our face me I face you abode as a 12 year old girl, absent a mother to guide and shield me? This guy must be an ignoramus of the highest order. Wasting good money he should have given to me or even to the poor!’ He sensed my dissent and carefully looked away from me as he carried on with his shopping. Me? I refused to help him with the carrier bags ladled heavily with provisions meant for Mother. He loade...

Thus began my quest for Mother. I had to go through her relatives, who had equally abandoned us when things  were dreary and dark. Father gave me the address of her elder brother who told me he hadn’t set his eyes upon her for years, as he was told she had relocated to Port Harcourt. She had married a business mogul who dealt in oil and gas. I was able to get her phone number and I called her. She was excited to hear from me. She told me she was back in Lagos and that I could come to her house. The address was sent and I had to steel myself ahead of the visit. Face to face at long last with my thoughtlessly cruel mother. I dressed carefully, I wanted her to know, we weren’t wretched and could not be called wretched. I drove down in the car Mickey had bought for me, as a birthday present. When I got to the gate of the house, I called her on phone. She came out to open the gate. I could see the shock and bewilderment on her face ‘ Up yours, Mother!’ I thought, keeping a pleasant s...