Life With Tutu

Just how will this triangular relationship end? Will I remain afloat or sink? I had no close friends I could confide in around me. I thought about my bridesmaid. Yes, we were close but she was in the East. Dare I discuss this via the phone? I felt it was too weighty. Could I trust her absolutely not to betray my confidence? For days I ruminated over this. Jude had asked for another date, but I felt it was too soon. I had to think of a better or should I  say another excuse to give hubby. A water tight one, this time. It was tasking living a lie. I was excited yes, but I was also afraid. Indecision was too heavy a burden to carry. Just then I discovered I was pregnant. I had mixed feelings. On the threshold of leaving my marriage, with a baby inside me? Hubby was overjoyed, an answer to his, our prayers. God works in mysterious ways indeed. When I was two months gone, I decided to give in to Jude's request for us to have another meeting. This time at a resort. He was already waiting...

Time stood still. All was silent save the sound of my heart. Hubby suddenly stood up from the bed and started pacing ‘What in the world has gotten into you, Soom? You’ve changed! When did you start lying?! This just isn’t the wife I married! This isn’t you!’ I started crying, I cried so hard he had to take me into his arms as I blurted ‘I….i…had an appointment with a herbal practitioner who said he could help me get pregnant. I….i…didn’t want to tell you because I know you dislike stuff like that'  May God help me! Where the lie came from I don’t know. I just knew I had to give a plausible excuse. Anything to save the moment. ‘Ah! Soom! You went too far. Is it because I told you my people have been putting pressure on me to have more children?! Children will come, it’s God that gives and he will give more. In fact, as many as we want.’ I cried harder at the tenderness and empathy I was shown. Guilt apparently made the tears flow even faster. Eventually I slept off, cradled in his a...

I knew meeting with Jude was wrong. I was a respectably married lady with a son. I had everything to lose by going on a tryst with a single guy, wait a minute, why was I assuming Jude was single?! He could be married! That thought was disturbing to me as I felt hot, urgent pangs of sudden jealously. Sean noticed I was so distracted on the day I was to meet with Jude. He kept asking me what was wrong, trying to look into my eyes but, I carefully avoided making eye contact.  In my restlessness, I also felt a measure of guilt. My hubby had been good to me, mostly. We had reached some sort of understanding over the years as he took excellent care of myself, my son and my family. How could I rationalise this meet with an ex lover? The guy who had disvirgined me? Even in the midst of the conflicting thoughts, I knew nothing, nobody would stop me from meeting with Jude. I found my way to the venue only to find him waiting for me. I had lied to hubby that I was meeting with a church member...

For what seemed like an eternity, we sat close to each other under one of the canopies erected outside the noisy hall. Looking into each others eyes, drawn irresistibly as moth to flame. Our hearts merging through our eyes. Hope sprang in my heart like a fountain. I was lost….and I knew it. I forgot I was a wife….i forgot I was a mother….until through the hazy fog that had become my reasoning, I heard my name being called and I sprang up startled. The magical moment was over…..i was brought down to earth. It was my mother who had come out in search of me, for it was time to dance with my sister. I saw the troubled look on her face as she recognised Jude who bowed to greet her. She replied stiffly and taking one of my arms, dragged me unceremoniously with her back to the hall ‘Don’t you know you’re a married woman!?’ she hissed furiously in my ear' What would people say if they had seen you, in a secluded area like that with another man!’ I was chastened…and very sober. I thought of...

Separation was hard at first, but I had to man up…or is it woman up? I would prepare him for school in the mornings and the driver would take us both to his school. Hubby didn’t like the idea of crowding his son and heir apparent with other kids in the school bus. Upon leading him to his classroom, he would give me one final desperate hug and I would kneel to be loudly and fervently kissed robustly on both cheeks! Sean grew up healthy and strong. Everyday, I kept blessing the day I conceived him. All was well with my world….with Sean in it. When he was two, hubby said we needed to go do some tests as he was perplexed I hadn’t gotten pregnant again. To be candid, I wanted a playmate for my son and I was equally surprised because the nightly couplings were even more frequent than before: I really ought to have conceived. And, the litany of tests begun. We even tried IVF when Sean became three, to no avail. I noticed hubby was worried as his conversations tended towards the pressure he wa...

  I was told I slept with reckless abandon. The injection I was given felt like an overdose and I woke up feeling so lethargic….so lethargic I had forgotten I had just given birth! It was the cry of my son beside me that made me stir and the look of adoration I gave him, made him gurgle at me. Chai! I’m crazy about this boy! My one and only. My light in the darkness of my life. My sunshine, my beacon of hope and love. I carried him in my arms and thought of the name to give him as my mother bustled in inquiring as to what I wanted to eat. Eat? Suddenly I felt ravenous. I hadn’t eaten for close to twenty four hours. I ordered for pounded yam and white soup. My husband had booked a private room in a very expensive hospital for us. We got whatever we wanted to get, whenever we wanted it, and how we wanted it. All this my mother observed and thanked her chi that her daughter was ‘ well married!’ I ate when my food arrived with much gusto. My mother held my son as they both watched me e...

Life fell into a steady pattern. I would stay at home whilst hubby worked as a business man. The nature of the 'business' I knew not. He always patted my arm condescendingly whenever I asked him. Apparently the great oaf felt such things were not meant for feminine heads! Anyways, why should I care? I was well taken care of, my mother and siblings got regular and generous allowances monthly and they were happy….very happy at my own unhappy expense. I think I know not how to be happy. I have always been very melancholic even as a child. Always kept to myself except for my brief fling of sorts. Maybe happiness was never going to be my thing. Maybe happiness is only for certain groups of people  Whilst hubby was at his ‘ business', I spent my time exploring the house. It was enormous and we have a maid and a cook to assist. Hubby was a traditionalist…his wife had to prepare all his meals. I had no issues with it as it gave me something to do. I do not know how to be idle and I...